Been praying for the Browns, CT, those who really loved her, & all of us even... I wish all of you a blessed and merry Christmas! I am hoping (praying & begging a bit) that in the new year everyone can finally let her rest, stop trying to pick apart her foibles (she would hate it all) & if you really want to show that you cared so much for her... make a donation to her scholarship fund at FSU (yeah that's a thing now), make a donation or do a fundraiser of some sort for MedGift.... pay forward a bit of kindness in her name... I’m sure of the things I know, as I’m sure many of you are. Diem was a complicated woman, she was also generous, kind, funny, strong, thoughtful & loving. I try to show her the same respect now that I did while she was here, I try not to say things that would have gotten me chastised with… What did you do Chicka?... When saying something I knew I shouldn’t. I have started my project to honor her, I pray that after some time of healing Chris will move on and find love again because she would want him to be happy & have a family (although some chick will be getting the side eye from heaven), she will always be with those of us whose lives she impacted, we don’t have to know every motivation, thought, meaning – she was here and that is all that matters.
Dont believe everything you see or hear. People project onto others what they see in themselves. Love is love. Nothing takes that away.
I love Cara. This makes me wonder if something happened.. Why out of the blue would she post this? Last night I was thinking about it and wondered if maybe she finally saw CT and they talked, maybe he told her he was bothered by what the articles were saying, and this is what instigated her comments? I just found it strange that after a month, and after the us weekly article and people article, that she is making the comments about their love now. Dont get me wrong, I'm glad she did!! Cara is very close with CT, and she DEFINITELY wouldnt be tweeting this if it werent true. I'm just wondering what made her tweet them now and not when the articles came out? Thoughts anyone?
In response the Cara thing, pretty much what you said. I think Cara is obivously the closest one to CT outside of the show and I was thinking they were probably talking at the time and CT might have been venting to her that he's having a really rough time with everything and maybe he mentioned something about how the articles are hurtful because they do put him in a badlight and makes it look like his feelings were genuine for the most part, whether her sources meant that or not. Or something like the articles are bs because no one knows what they had but them causing her to tweet to show him some support and not let everyone think of CT/their relationship in a bad light, ya know?
And with all the debate about their relationship, whether he was there or not, they were together or not etc. I think the way they act towards each other on BOTE2 will clarify everything and end all the wondering. Also, I don't know if anyone saw this tweet. She works for E and previews TV shows and writes about them.
Been praying for the Browns, CT, those who really loved her, & all of us even... I wish all of you a blessed and merry Christmas! I am hoping (praying & begging a bit) that in the new year everyone can finally let her rest, stop trying to pick apart her foibles (she would hate it all) & if you really want to show that you cared so much for her... make a donation to her scholarship fund at FSU (yeah that's a thing now), make a donation or do a fundraiser of some sort for MedGift.... pay forward a bit of kindness in her name... I’m sure of the things I know, as I’m sure many of you are. Diem was a complicated woman, she was also generous, kind, funny, strong, thoughtful & loving. I try to show her the same respect now that I did while she was here, I try not to say things that would have gotten me chastised with… What did you do Chicka?... When saying something I knew I shouldn’t. I have started my project to honor her, I pray that after some time of healing Chris will move on and find love again because she would want him to be happy & have a family (although some chick will be getting the side eye from heaven), she will always be with those of us whose lives she impacted, we don’t have to know every motivation, thought, meaning – she was here and that is all that matters.
She would love this, even the side eye from heaven. I can hear that giggle loud and clear.
Dont believe everything you see or hear. People project onto others what they see in themselves. Love is love. Nothing takes that away.
I love Cara. This makes me wonder if something happened.. Why out of the blue would she post this? Last night I was thinking about it and wondered if maybe she finally saw CT and they talked, maybe he told her he was bothered by what the articles were saying, and this is what instigated her comments? I just found it strange that after a month, and after the us weekly article and people article, that she is making the comments about their love now. Dont get me wrong, I'm glad she did!! Cara is very close with CT, and she DEFINITELY wouldnt be tweeting this if it werent true. I'm just wondering what made her tweet them now and not when the articles came out? Thoughts anyone?
I wondered the same thing. That particular night I was missing Diem more than usual and it helped reading what Cara wrote. I do think that she and Chris probably talk on the phone regularly and that could have been the motivation for her comments. Cara really is a beautiful human being, very loving and kind and I'm thinking she knows the things to say to Chris to help him feel better for the moment she is talking to him. Of course in times like these nobody has the absolute perfect thing to say to just magically erase all the pain in an instant, but I think Cara is probably one that is really able to get through to Chris. I think he knows she will always be there for him too. It is true that no one person can tell another person the best way to grieve, it's all so individual, but I would imagine that Chris would vent to Cara and Cara would be very good about listening and just telling him, "look, it doesn't matter what other people say, write or think, you and Diem knew the truth of the situation and that's all that matters." Sometimes it just takes hearing what he already knows from someone who is close to him.
Yeah that photo was taken in September at Cure in downtown Boston last year and it's been posted on Vevmo a few times before.
I think it's obvious that they dated after rivals 2. If people don't believe that then they're delibratly ignoring that. It's just a fact by now. How many times are you and your ex in the same place at the same time for it to be more than just a coincidence? Why the heck would Diem be in random Massachusetts suburbs with CT or at random resturants ALL the time lol??
The "confusion" comes from after Diem's illness... from August to her passing. That's where the questions of "where they, weren't they" comes from.
Since Diems passing I have had many conflicted emotions, as I stated before I have no real explaination about why her death impacted me as I was really not heavily invested in the story line. I am certainly not a blogger, stalker, MTV fan....etc. What I am is a person who has had cancer interupt my family in a huge way and I also loved a woman for 35 years from a distance (we still keep in touch to this day even though thousands of miles apart).....I guess that is the connection I feel to these kids Diem and CT.
I am going to end my Vevmo career with my own impression of what I have learned from the past few weeks.....
Diem went back to BOTE with a specific agenda to reconnect with him after three years apart with no contact. She wanted to see him again.....she wanted explainations....she had a great boyfriend, she stated as such in her interviews on Vevmo but her denials on any lingering feelings with CT dont cut it.....she went to BOTE with an agenda, she needed to be on that show....she may not have known it was Execs but she certainly knew CT would be there...she was too smart to not know....she made a calculated decision and did not worry about the impact to her relationship with her long time boyfriend. If I was her boyfriend and watched the interaction between them I would be concerned...it was obvious she was enjoying herself.
She held CT's behavior for Duel 2 against him....but from my point of view she was culpable....if you break up then appear 2 years later and expect to have CT act the same as when you dated him your simplistic at best. She miscaluated her ability to control him and he lashed out. In addition she broke up with him and then a short time later started a new relationship.....so the "career first" excuse does not bring alot of credibility when discussing the ending of their initial relationship.
CT deeply loved her, but she would appear and then disappear......he had to live his life and he acted accordingly....he is a young man that has no issues with the female sex, he works in the entertainment industry and has a platform to do many things......he acted poorly at times but he also had seen her move in and out of his life.....he protected himself by not investing too deeply.
Once BOTE was complete they went their seperate ways again and had limited communication....Diem ended her long term relationship and began her second battle with cancer....I am unsure if CT was communicating with her during this period or if she even wanted him to....Johnny did state that he supported Diem during this period so CT must have been at least aware.
Rivals came on the scene....CT himself arrived with no girlfriend in tow, Diem was unattached and vulnerable partly due to her health conditions. She displays toughness in the challenges that is to be commended....the aftermath of Rivals results in reconciliation....her interviews on after shows, vevmo, her blogs all show an openess to be with CT.....very private but its admitted.
Her previous boyfriend posted photos of them in Cabo following Rivals....this is around June / July 2013.....in September she is spending alot of time on the MTV junket and it seems seeing CT, who posts on Facebook that Diem is his "main squeeze". The relationship transition had begun.......what they did during this period until her passing is their own affair but I assume you will get a deeper glimpse during BOTE2 and then commentary from people within MTV after the showing.
You hear the term "complicated relationship" all the time with these two............think about this.........she is battling cancer, highly independent, career minded, huge scope of friends.......CT is building his career, trying to balance out between what his relationship is with the woman he loves, who has a deadly health risk, who readily admits she does not always want him, huge scope of friends who enjoy the perpetual spring break gig.....there are a number of photos of them together over the past year but to what extent the relationship was I have no clue......CT's family and friends certainly considered them in a relationship judging by their posts following her passing........think about this also, CT had a long term love who battled cancer for the entire period he knew her, he did not shy away from that.
Key points that bother me.......
the famous instagram photo of CT and Diem from September in the hospital......that one photo garnered more attention for MedGift than anyone could imagine.....the best marketing minds in the country could not have done better. The backlash on CT for posting it is strange and I suspect People / US / E! were upset that THEY did not post it and it was not controlled by magazines to push. To state CT was using for his own purposes is laughable when you look at all the information flowing through Media at that period of her fight by Diem, her friends and family....he was earnest in my opinion and trying to help in his own fashion via an Instagram account.
The fact that Diem asked CT to go back to Boston due to being "hyper"....what exactly do you do while someone is in the hospital? You are not there all the time....I never was.....I visited....I am sure they were in contact, she knew he was there for her...the photo of the family and friends being together and toasting her...did anyone ever mention how often her former boyfriend visited? Did anyone notice that other than the one MedGift photo there were no pictures of CT at the hospital? He was there on at least 3-4 occasions as reported but no personal photos were leaked.
They both stated they were unattached in October....they both were....no idea what was going through their minds....its battle for her life that takes precedence.
Marriage proposal....my hope is that CT and his agent had nothing to do with leaking that event....this was a People Magazine field day......I would be pissed if I was CT and read about it in the papers a few days later knowing this was a private matter. He gets backlash for Go Pro camera but yet someone leaks the event to the tabloids? If the leak did not come from CT then the self promotion is pointed to where? Who profits from this?
I am not going to defend CTs behavior....he has earned his reputation....and not always for the good.....but fair is fair....the last few months of media coverage has not always been balanced. I just get the feeling with Diem's influence he controlled himself to the better the past 15 months.....Free Agents behavior, Mr Chunky Express comments, Public Events, Career Growth show her guidance from my perpective......if I am proved wrong by people who really know, then I would consider this a great failure on his part. I also have to consider how deep she truly wanted the relationship to be.....remember, she was the one who came in and out of his life on her terms....that can be very confusing......hence the complicated relationship comments as she certainly dictated the terms until he tired of the antics.....in BOTE he stated she did not want him, in Rivals he stated she no longer had that contol over him.
Its laughable about this not being a real relationship and for show purposes only as some internet comments alude to.....MTV is just not bright enough to create such a soap opera, this fell into their lap and they seized upon it......the tabloids, the internet websites, blogs.....if I was Diem and CT I would do all in my power to keep my relationship private no matter the position.
So at the end of the journey I have to say its been fascinating....I admire Diem, I understand CT and I mourn the loss for both.
So, I was hesititating to write some of this - just because I felt a little uneasy as if I was betraying someone for the sake of gossip. Esp for a lot of info that you have already heard from various sources. But Hammer's post was interesting so I thought I'd just share what I heard bc i think its almost reaffirmation for some and will make some of you feel better. But I actually know some of the same people that Diem did. At the time of her death -I wasn't in NY. So beyond expressing my sympathy to people, I didn't want to ask questions of them from far away while they were mourning. But I was just home for the holiday and in conversation I heard a bit more details about her passing and life.
Overall, what I gathered (without trying to be gossipy) was that it really was a huge shock for them all that she was actually going to pass. They all just believed that she could live and could beat it again, so it really hit all her friends so hard. To a point where my friend said that "maybe we were all, including Diem, just in such denial". It was all - also very well known amoungst her friends that she would end up with CT. They all know him. And they all like him. She said "no one really ever took anyone else she dated seriously for her". And in fact, she started the conversation with telling me that they weren't official but were planning on getting married next summer. When I asked about the magazine they said the EXACT thing MrChunkyExpress did - which was "they have to sell magazines". Otherwise, the only other about CT was that he held it together much better at the funeral/memorial than anyone expected. And you could tell that they all really like him. Which was nice to hear after the doubt that has been cast. Again, most things they said we'd already heard. But they were just still so sad . The only thing different i heard was that they did say she knew she'd had the cancer from the beginning of the summer. To the point, in hindsight they were pissed she went on the challenge. But i think they are just mad she's gone (which makes sense).
Anyway - thought I'd reaffirm what we have already heard. She was loved.
So, I was hesititating to write some of this - just because I felt a little uneasy as if I was betraying someone for the sake of gossip. Esp for a lot of info that you have already heard from various sources. But Hammer's post was interesting so I thought I'd just share what I heard bc i think its almost reaffirmation for some and will make some of you feel better. But I actually know some of the same people that Diem did. At the time of her death -I wasn't in NY. So beyond expressing my sympathy to people, I didn't want to ask questions of them from far away while they were mourning. But I was just home for the holiday and in conversation I heard a bit more details about her passing and life.
Overall, what I gathered (without trying to be gossipy) was that it really was a huge shock for them all that she was actually going to pass. They all just believed that she could live and could beat it again, so it really hit all her friends so hard. To a point where my friend said that "maybe we were all, including Diem, just in such denial". It was all - also very well known amoungst her friends that she would end up with CT. They all know him. And they all like him. She said "no one really ever took anyone else she dated seriously for her". And in fact, she started the conversation with telling me that they weren't official but were planning on getting married next summer. When I asked about the magazine they said the EXACT thing MrChunkyExpress did - which was "they have to sell magazines". Otherwise, the only other about CT was that he held it together much better at the funeral/memorial than anyone expected. And you could tell that they all really like him. Which was nice to hear after the doubt that has been cast. Again, most things they said we'd already heard. But they were just still so sad . The only thing different i heard was that they did say she knew she'd had the cancer from the beginning of the summer. To the point, in hindsight they were pissed she went on the challenge. But i think they are just mad she's gone (which makes sense).
Anyway - thought I'd reaffirm what we have already heard. She was loved.
Thank you for sharing. It does help in some strange way to know that not everyone was against CT. It broke my heart to think that all of her friends/family were against him. Again, thank you!
So, I was hesititating to write some of this - just because I felt a little uneasy as if I was betraying someone for the sake of gossip. Esp for a lot of info that you have already heard from various sources. But Hammer's post was interesting so I thought I'd just share what I heard bc i think its almost reaffirmation for some and will make some of you feel better. But I actually know some of the same people that Diem did. At the time of her death -I wasn't in NY. So beyond expressing my sympathy to people, I didn't want to ask questions of them from far away while they were mourning. But I was just home for the holiday and in conversation I heard a bit more details about her passing and life.
Overall, what I gathered (without trying to be gossipy) was that it really was a huge shock for them all that she was actually going to pass. They all just believed that she could live and could beat it again, so it really hit all her friends so hard. To a point where my friend said that "maybe we were all, including Diem, just in such denial". It was all - also very well known amoungst her friends that she would end up with CT. They all know him. And they all like him. She said "no one really ever took anyone else she dated seriously for her". And in fact, she started the conversation with telling me that they weren't official but were planning on getting married next summer. When I asked about the magazine they said the EXACT thing MrChunkyExpress did - which was "they have to sell magazines". Otherwise, the only other about CT was that he held it together much better at the funeral/memorial than anyone expected. And you could tell that they all really like him. Which was nice to hear after the doubt that has been cast. Again, most things they said we'd already heard. But they were just still so sad . The only thing different i heard was that they did say she knew she'd had the cancer from the beginning of the summer. To the point, in hindsight they were pissed she went on the challenge. But i think they are just mad she's gone (which makes sense).
Anyway - thought I'd reaffirm what we have already heard. She was loved.
Thank you so much for sharing. It is good to know that many more in Diem's circle were supportive of CT than we thought. The question this brings me to is if Diem knew she had the cancer from the beginning of the summer, then why wasn't treatment started right then? I know Diem wasn't an irresponsible person and I hate blaming doctors because I'm sure her doctors were doing everything possible for her. From what I gather from your post is that Diem knew that the ovarian cancer had returned in early summer but she had no clue about the spread to the colon until she ended up in the hospital in mid-August. I do not believe that Diem would have ever gone on the challenge if she knew about the spread to the colon. But heck though, even if she did know about the spread to the colon even then....I was not privy to the information in Diem's medical records and I cannot stand in Diem's shoes, so even then I would not have less respect for Diem.
I can only guess that Diem thought back to her very first challenge when she had also been told she had ovarian cancer but that it was okay to go ahead and go on the challenge and she can get treatment afterwards. The thing is though, even though circumstances might have seemed the same to Diem for this third go round as the first go around, it really wasn't the same....even not knowing about the colon cancer, I don't believe the 2 circumstances should have ever been viewed as similar. I say this because after the first diagnosis she was told the cancer was in remission and after the second diagnosis she was told it was not gone but stable, not to mention after the first diagnosis she was never told that there was a chance it could have spread to the liver, whereas after the second diagnosis she was told it might have spread or there was a spot on the liver. So knowing these new facts, it should have made the 3rd diagnosis seem different than the 1st diagnosis and ruled out going on the challenge 100%. So these things just lead me to have questions, did Diem honestly find a way to convince herself it wasn't different or did she go to doctors before she left for the challenge to get their advice and doctors did tell her point blank, it's okay to go, when in actuality these doctors should have never told her that. What happened? I would never bother anyone close to Diem about these things though....we will either find out these things in time if her family wants to share or we never will. I think it just helps to get thoughts out about this and that's it.
Truthfully though, even if we did know what happened (the details of what she was told at the beginning of last summer), it won't bring her back and really even if it did end up being that it was Diem that could have made better choices and her doctors had told her it wasn't the best thing to go....even then, there is a big part of me that could never be upset at Diem. She just wanted to live her life to the fullest and let's face it, this was the 3rd time she had cancer and most likely, as much as I hate to say it, even if she hadn't gone to the challenge and she started treatment right away, she still would have succumbed to this disease in time.....although I understand why Diem always wanted to remain positive......the reality is it was her 3rd time getting it and she was only in her early 30s, so it was going to be an uphill battle no matter what. In one sense I can see why Diem's family and friends might have been in some denial since Diem herself always remained so positive and probably never wanted to talk about death, so perhaps Diem's positivity and never give up attitude rubbed off on them....but in another sense I don't see how they could have still been in such denial, particularly in that final month, when the doctors had told her you only have 30 days left and they saw her weight loss. BUT, I will say this, it's a totally different thing when your a member of someone's family as opposed to just a fan online....there is a different perspective and perhaps a higher wall of denial or not wanting to accept just because of loving that person so much and not wanting to lose them.
It could be if she had gotten more aggressive treatment earlier she could have had a few months beyond November, it could have prolonged her life but by how much? I think in circumstances like this, people do look for answers and in looking for answers the temptation is to place blame....would have, should have, could have....but I like to focus on this....she lived 9 years beyond initial diagnosis....she lived 9 years having been diagnosed with cancer 3 times at a young age....that is a long time when you think about it. Is it long enough when you think of many people living into their 80s....no, it's not...but I'm saying for someone diagnosed with cancer 3 different times at a young age to make it that long...it is an accomplishment. There are people who are diagnosed with cancer once at a young age and they live one year after diagnosis or even only a few months after first diagnosis, and what a shock that is and what a shock for their families. I'm sure those people fought like hell just like Diem did too but they had no control in the end....that is why I hope as time goes on that further advances are made in cancer research and we will see many more long term survivors of this disease.
It did feel shocking, Diem's 3rd diagnosis because she passed quickly after her 3rd diagnosis.....we thought 3 months but obviously since Diem knew in early summer, it was a six month journey for her but during the first 3 months of those 6 months of knowing she was able to live her life relatively normally. The fact is, this girl was such a hero. She was a true blue, honest to God hero and inspiration for so many people and she affected so many lives and God put her on this earth for a reason and she fulfilled God's purpose in the time that she was here and God said it was her time to come home.
I would never judge some in Diem's life who still feel angry though or who might even feel some frustration towards Diem because I know in time they will come to see that Diem did the very best she could with the circumstances she was dealt and in time those who are angry will be able to move on from that anger. I actually think the closer you were to Diem or the better you knew her, then the angrier you might be....not even at Diem but maybe even angry at God for a time....but this to me is a normal part of the grieving process. I think anger really is just a form of hurt or pain anyway, of just missing someone and wanting someone back. So I think to feel angry or mad is normal right now. She has only been gone a little over a month and I have found myself being angry as well. The more time goes by though....6 months pass, a year, two years....the anger and heartbreak will give way to loving Diem that much more....feeling more the love than the hurt and feeling her love from heaven and we will all be returning that love. I think all of these emotions during a time like this can seem like they run together....one minute we feel such love towards Diem, the next frustration, the next happiness we knew Diem, the next minute anger....it's all a normal part of the grieving process I think. Deep down though, the overriding emotion for her family, Chris, her close friends and her fans is just overwhelming love for our angel Diem who we were blessed to have known.
I kind of thought the whole ring thing and double proposal was to make her laugh. the whole articles claiming she said no on her deathbed to him obviously was to get a headline etc at leaslt in my opinion.I had also heard they were "engaged" or at least waiting for her to be healthy than getting married, so the next summer makes perfect sense when chemo woudl be done and she would be all better (based on her last 2 times at least i mean who coudl have predicted this). But the ring thing was probably to make her laugh like ugg i hate that color, or ugg i hate that size ring, to make her not think about her illness. Everything i have seen and heard before her illness, diem's close firends all liked ct and supported them, i had seen evidence of that in their 1.5 yrs back, and they were planning a future. i don't take much from the people articles etc. I find it interesting what was added above about her friends didn't take other boyfriends seriously like they all knew no matter how bad she tried to doubt it, they knew she loved ct and would want to give it a go. Maybe diem was compeltley serious after 5 yrs of making it serious again regardless and figured she could after having a career etc. But i am happy to read that post above which confirms a lot of what i have heard and thought as well.:)...now it's almost time to watch her on air one last time, which is going to be very weird/sad
I think back to this article, posted roughly 2 weeks before she passed. I think what caused me to be in denial for a time (after her death) is that this was not an article that you would read and then think right after reading it, she's going to be gone in 2 weeks, which is why I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that she was actually gone because I kept thinking back to what this article said and saying to myself...how could it be?
I knew enough to know that she might not be here another 3 months after reading this article but I never would have thought 2 weeks because I couldn't picture Diem being in such a positive place mentally 2 weeks before she passed to be able to talk to People magazine in this way....to act as if she had a real chance of possibly even adopting a child. But the thing was, she wasn't acting....she never said of course this is going to happen...it was just a hope...it was just a hope and she wanted to express it and give other people hope. I truly do wholeheartedly understand that now. I do think we can all easily read an article and take one message away from it when perhaps another message is being given...if that makes any sense and I think that is what I did.
Don't get me wrong, I knew Diem was a positive person....much more positive than I could possibly be in this situation....but still there is a fine line between positivity and denial if your looking in the mirror at yourself and seeing a very thin appearance and then at the time of this article (talking about adopting children possibly), the doctors had already told her she had only 30 days to live. I do think it was largely me who misconstrued though and another reason it was easy for me to misunderstand is I had no idea that she was told 30 days at the time that article was posted.
She wasn't talking as if she was in such denial that she was going to of course live her life out for the next 50 years but at the same time she wasn't in such a negative place that you would have thought only 2 weeks left ya know. I read this article and I thought she must know something we don't know, otherwise how could she be talking like that? I thought maybe doctors had told her you will get treatment and this will be another 2 to 3 months journey for you (at the end of which you will either respond well to treatment and get more time or you won't). I don't think Diem was purposely being deceptive....she wasn't being deceptive at all....but again I misconstrued. I guess I possibly misconstrued because I thought had it been me talking to People magazine I would have talked about my desire to have children, to adopt or have someone else carry the baby, but at the same time I would have just gone ahead and said, ya know the doctors have given me 30 days and I'm going to fight like hell but I don't know what's going to happen ya know. So I would have perhaps given a mixed bag of both a realistic message and a positive message at the same time....but that wasn't Diem's way....she just wanted to deliver that positive message and GOD BLESS HER FOR IT. God bless that woman. She is my hero and I admire her so much for it.
I think the message that I should have taken from the article (that I didn't at the time) is that things are dire for Diem, it's very possible she might not be with us for much longer but she is trying to send the message that she is still living right then, in the present moment, and she didn't want to act like she was dead already when she was still alive.....regardless of how the prospects looked....if she was going to live another 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. And Diem didn't necessarily have to spell it out in the article what doctors had told her for me to understand what the real situation was....but I don't know, I think like a lot of people I probably just believed what I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe she was going to make it to make myself feel better so that's what I talked myself into believing at the time.
Valerie Harper has always tried to deliver this same message to people....don't act like your dead when your still living....make the most of all the time you have because life is a gift. So I think this article was more about delivering the message to don't give up hope no matter what than it was a statement on where Diem was at with her health at the time. Even if doctors don't give you many reasons to hope....that it doesn't matter, still don't give up hope....because that is the one thing you still do have control over. Cancer may be in charge of other things but cancer can never take that hope away ever unless you let it.
I kind of thought the whole ring thing and double proposal was to make her laugh. the whole articles claiming she said no on her deathbed to him obviously was to get a headline etc at leaslt in my opinion.I had also heard they were "engaged" or at least waiting for her to be healthy than getting married, so the next summer makes perfect sense when chemo woudl be done and she would be all better (based on her last 2 times at least i mean who coudl have predicted this). But the ring thing was probably to make her laugh like ugg i hate that color, or ugg i hate that size ring, to make her not think about her illness. Everything i have seen and heard before her illness, diem's close firends all liked ct and supported them, i had seen evidence of that in their 1.5 yrs back, and they were planning a future. i don't take much from the people articles etc. I find it interesting what was added above about her friends didn't take other boyfriends seriously like they all knew no matter how bad she tried to doubt it, they knew she loved ct and would want to give it a go. Maybe diem was compeltley serious after 5 yrs of making it serious again regardless and figured she could after having a career etc. But i am happy to read that post above which confirms a lot of what i have heard and thought as well.:)...now it's almost time to watch her on air one last time, which is going to be very weird/sad
Here is an awesome video of Diem talking about dealing with her second cancer diagnosis and how she approached it differently than the first. She's so positive and happy in this interview talking about MedGift and her personal journey and wanting to help others. Watching this makes me realize that of course Diem was very responsible about her illness and always conscious of things but you can be responsible, do everything you feel is right but still be imperfect in the decision making process on some things because we are all only human and can only make decisions based off the information we have at any given moment in time. What a brave brave woman she was!! I will forever be in awe of her!
I can agree. I dont know why I just assumned Diem would make it through again. It is not fair to DIem to say things like, "She was so strong, I thought she would make it" or , "She succumed"....I just think I wanted it all so badly for her. I wanted her to live, I wanted her to get married, I wanted her to have kids, and I wanted her to be happy. She was so positive and had been through so much in life that she deserved it. So I never even let dying be an option for her. I put it so far into the back of my mind and I just imagined her life after she beat cancer again. But then the updates kept coimg...
And every update detailed her condition getting worse and worse. I kept praying for good news but it never happened. I remember looking at the pictures and how frail she was. She had a colostomy bag and a neprhosotmy tube/bag. She couldnt walk unattended and she had a hysterectomy and a blood tranfusion on top of all of that. She went through hell. Absolute hell and that is why it is not fair to say she succumned or she lost her battle. She never stopped fighting. With everything that she had been though she kept a smile on her face and she held fast to hope. She fought until the very end. She didnt give up, she never sucummed or lost, she just moved on.
In the days before her passing, I prayed for Diem and I asked that God's will be done because I knew that was the only answer. When Diem passed, I can not say that is was a surprise but it was a shock and it hurt because I willed everything aganist her passing.Life is so unfair...
Now those who remain must learn to carry on without her. And I can only imagine how hard it must be for those who were very close to her...including CT. I know God brought them back together because it was his plan. In whatever capacity, they loved each other very much. How refreshing it was to see a young, attractive man that could love a woman in spite of her illness and the hardhsips that came with it. There arent many people who could do that. And she, she saw past his anger and aggression, got to the core of this man's soul and opened him to accepting love. They had planned a future together and she was taken from him in the midst of their happily ever after. I know his heart is broken and I pray that he finds peace with this. I know he will be different the next time we see him. He will be forever changed becuse of this. I dont know how long it will take him to grieve but I hope he takes as long as he can. And when his memories of her are not enough, I hope he prays.
I can agree. I dont know why I just assumned Diem would make it through again. It is not fair to DIem to say things like, "She was so strong, I thought she would make it" or , "She succumed"....I just think I wanted it all so badly for her. I wanted her to live, I wanted her to get married, I wanted her to have kids, and I wanted her to be happy. She was so positive and had been through so much in life that she deserved it. So I never even let dying be an option for her. I put it so far into the back of my mind and I just imagined her life after she beat cancer again. But then the updates kept coimg...
And every update detailed her condition getting worse and worse. I kept praying for good news but it never happened. I remember looking at the pictures and how frail she was. She had a colostomy bag and a neprhosotmy tube/bag. She couldnt walk unattended and she had a hysterectomy and a blood tranfusion on top of all of that. She went through hell. Absolute hell and that is why it is not fair to say she succumned or she lost her battle. She never stopped fighting. With everything that she had been though she kept a smile on her face and she held fast to hope. She fought until the very end. She didnt give up, she never sucummed or lost, she just moved on.
In the days before her passing, I prayed for Diem and I asked that God's will be done because I knew that was the only answer. When Diem passed, I can not say that is was a surprise but it was a shock and it hurt because I willed everything aganist her passing.Life is so unfair...
Now those who remain must learn to carry on without her. And I can only imagine how hard it must be for those who were very close to her...including CT. I know God brought them back together because it was his plan. In whatever capacity, they loved each other very much. How refreshing it was to see a young, attractive man that could love a woman in spite of her illness and the hardhsips that came with it. There arent many people who could do that. And she, she saw past his anger and aggression, got to the core of this man's soul and opened him to accepting love. They had planned a future together and she was taken from him in the midst of their happily ever after. I know his heart is broken and I pray that he finds peace with this. I know he will be different the next time we see him. He will be forever changed becuse of this. I dont know how long it will take him to grieve but I hope he takes as long as he can. And when his memories of her are not enough, I hope he prays.
Im better now, but her passing still hurts.
R.I.P Diem
I really appreciated your heartfelt post; I could not have summed up my feelings as well as you have and I thank you for it. Thank you for writing so eloquently about Diem and extending your remarks to CT as well.
I can agree. I dont know why I just assumned Diem would make it through again. It is not fair to DIem to say things like, "She was so strong, I thought she would make it" or , "She succumed"....I just think I wanted it all so badly for her. I wanted her to live, I wanted her to get married, I wanted her to have kids, and I wanted her to be happy. She was so positive and had been through so much in life that she deserved it. So I never even let dying be an option for her. I put it so far into the back of my mind and I just imagined her life after she beat cancer again. But then the updates kept coimg...
And every update detailed her condition getting worse and worse. I kept praying for good news but it never happened. I remember looking at the pictures and how frail she was. She had a colostomy bag and a neprhosotmy tube/bag. She couldnt walk unattended and she had a hysterectomy and a blood tranfusion on top of all of that. She went through hell. Absolute hell and that is why it is not fair to say she succumned or she lost her battle. She never stopped fighting. With everything that she had been though she kept a smile on her face and she held fast to hope. She fought until the very end. She didnt give up, she never sucummed or lost, she just moved on.
In the days before her passing, I prayed for Diem and I asked that God's will be done because I knew that was the only answer. When Diem passed, I can not say that is was a surprise but it was a shock and it hurt because I willed everything aganist her passing.Life is so unfair...
Now those who remain must learn to carry on without her. And I can only imagine how hard it must be for those who were very close to her...including CT. I know God brought them back together because it was his plan. In whatever capacity, they loved each other very much. How refreshing it was to see a young, attractive man that could love a woman in spite of her illness and the hardhsips that came with it. There arent many people who could do that. And she, she saw past his anger and aggression, got to the core of this man's soul and opened him to accepting love. They had planned a future together and she was taken from him in the midst of their happily ever after. I know his heart is broken and I pray that he finds peace with this. I know he will be different the next time we see him. He will be forever changed becuse of this. I dont know how long it will take him to grieve but I hope he takes as long as he can. And when his memories of her are not enough, I hope he prays.
Im better now, but her passing still hurts.
R.I.P Diem
Very well stated post. I agree....she didn't lose, she just moved on. It was crazy all of the surgeries she had to have done in the last 3 months and the pain she went through. I'm sure it was gutwrenching for Chris and her family to see her like that. You just think no one should ever have to go through all of that but people all across this world who have cancer right now are going through this as we speak. Cancer sucks!! One day there will be a cure hopefully. I do remember reading the comments online under the People articles, folks saying Diem was in denial or Diem wasn't going to make it or why was she acting like she was and those comments still make me mad just because I felt it was so inappropriate. It wasn't about whether those people were right or wrong in their assessment of Diem's health situation....it was more that I felt it wasn't their place to take her hope away from her while she was here. Hope and her goals for the future were part of what was warding off depression for her in her final days and I felt Diem deserved to have reasons not to be sad every minute of every day leading up to when she passed.
Your right, Chris is forever changed. He is not the same man as he was before. I think as much as this tore him up, ultimately it is going to make him stronger in the long run. Right now it's real tough for him but I think this will spark a great deal of growth for him and self reflection. I also think Chris was given a great gift and that is the gift of love. Diem was taken from him too soon but the love he has for her in his heart remains with him and he will carry that with him now and it will inform all of his decisions and interactions with people. I don't see him being as tortured as he has been in the past or angry. I see him as being sad sometimes, missing Diem a great deal, struggling with grief but I do picture him being able to move beyond the deep grief in time to live a happy life and I know that is what his sweet Diem would want.
Can't keep my mind of Diem. Crazy how every time I look at social media I'm still disappointed not seeing her bubbly presence shining anymore. Still feel sadness for what could have been but mostly for the ones close to her hurting by her passing. Ringing this new year must have been really hard for them. At the same moment last year, I remember thinking about her and how ecstatic she must have felt giving that her docs told her at some point she wouldn't see the next year. What an exalting and special moment it must have been for her and her surrounding. Wish she could have celebrate the 50 following ones and no one felt the sorrow of her lost. Sending positive thoughts and comfort vibes to her love ones.
Their lives intersected across 7 years leading up to the point where they matured enough to forgive and truly appreciate one another.......there is a price you pay for loving deeply.
Their lives intersected across 7 years leading up to the point where they matured enough to forgive and truly appreciate one another.......there is a price you pay for loving deeply.
The Good Morning America Twitter account retweeted a quote said by Stuart Scott (who just died from cancer - I don't follow sports so I'm not really sure who he is; I have to Google to find out more info). Anyway, I thought the quote was nice and kinda added to when you guys were talking about articles that said Diem "lost her battle" to cancer vs. what Cara Maria said about how she didn't "lose." The quote was "When you die it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live."
The Good Morning America Twitter account retweeted a quote said by Stuart Scott (who just died from cancer - I don't follow sports so I'm not really sure who he is; I have to Google to find out more info). Anyway, I thought the quote was nice and kinda added to when you guys were talking about articles that said Diem "lost her battle" to cancer vs. what Cara Maria said about how she didn't "lose." The quote was "When you die it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live."
You beat me to this...I was just about to add it. Thought it was perfect.
Been praying for the Browns, CT, those who really loved her, & all of us even...
I wish all of you a blessed and merry Christmas!
I am hoping (praying & begging a bit) that in the new year everyone can finally let her rest, stop trying to pick apart her foibles (she would hate it all) & if you really want to show that you cared so much for her... make a donation to her scholarship fund at FSU (yeah that's a thing now), make a donation or do a fundraiser of some sort for MedGift.... pay forward a bit of kindness in her name...
I’m sure of the things I know, as I’m sure many of you are. Diem was a complicated woman, she was also generous, kind, funny, strong, thoughtful & loving. I try to show her the same respect now that I did while she was here, I try not to say things that would have gotten me chastised with… What did you do Chicka?... When saying something I knew I shouldn’t. I have started my project to honor her, I pray that after some time of healing Chris will move on and find love again because she would want him to be happy & have a family (although some chick will be getting the side eye from heaven), she will always be with those of us whose lives she impacted, we don’t have to know every motivation, thought, meaning – she was here and that is all that matters.
In response the Cara thing, pretty much what you said. I think Cara is obivously the closest one to CT outside of the show and I was thinking they were probably talking at the time and CT might have been venting to her that he's having a really rough time with everything and maybe he mentioned something about how the articles are hurtful because they do put him in a badlight and makes it look like his feelings were genuine for the most part, whether her sources meant that or not. Or something like the articles are bs because no one knows what they had but them causing her to tweet to show him some support and not let everyone think of CT/their relationship in a bad light, ya know?
And with all the debate about their relationship, whether he was there or not, they were together or not etc. I think the way they act towards each other on BOTE2 will clarify everything and end all the wondering. Also, I don't know if anyone saw this tweet. She works for E and previews TV shows and writes about them.
Well, just watched #TheChallenge premiere and now I'm crying, mostly for every CT/Diem moment because they're all so beautiful it hurts.
I really do think no matter what the articles say we will see they were very much in love in this next season.
Anyways more importantly, prayers to the Brown family, friends, and CT during this holiday season. Happy holidays everyone!
She would love this, even the side eye from heaven. I can hear that giggle loud and clear.
I wondered the same thing. That particular night I was missing Diem more than usual and it helped reading what Cara wrote. I do think that she and Chris probably talk on the phone regularly and that could have been the motivation for her comments. Cara really is a beautiful human being, very loving and kind and I'm thinking she knows the things to say to Chris to help him feel better for the moment she is talking to him. Of course in times like these nobody has the absolute perfect thing to say to just magically erase all the pain in an instant, but I think Cara is probably one that is really able to get through to Chris. I think he knows she will always be there for him too. It is true that no one person can tell another person the best way to grieve, it's all so individual, but I would imagine that Chris would vent to Cara and Cara would be very good about listening and just telling him, "look, it doesn't matter what other people say, write or think, you and Diem knew the truth of the situation and that's all that matters." Sometimes it just takes hearing what he already knows from someone who is close to him.
Not sure what was going on with CT and Diem.....but found this photo from late 2013 on a website......enjoy.
Diem and CT Boston.jpg
Yeah that photo was taken in September at Cure in downtown Boston last year and it's been posted on Vevmo a few times before.
I think it's obvious that they dated after rivals 2. If people don't believe that then they're delibratly ignoring that. It's just a fact by now. How many times are you and your ex in the same place at the same time for it to be more than just a coincidence? Why the heck would Diem be in random Massachusetts suburbs with CT or at random resturants ALL the time lol??
The "confusion" comes from after Diem's illness... from August to her passing. That's where the questions of "where they, weren't they" comes from.
Looks like I am late for the party....LOL
Since Diems passing I have had many conflicted emotions, as I stated before I have no real explaination about why her death impacted me as I was really not heavily invested in the story line. I am certainly not a blogger, stalker, MTV fan....etc. What I am is a person who has had cancer interupt my family in a huge way and I also loved a woman for 35 years from a distance (we still keep in touch to this day even though thousands of miles apart).....I guess that is the connection I feel to these kids Diem and CT.
I am going to end my Vevmo career with my own impression of what I have learned from the past few weeks.....
Diem went back to BOTE with a specific agenda to reconnect with him after three years apart with no contact. She wanted to see him again.....she wanted explainations....she had a great boyfriend, she stated as such in her interviews on Vevmo but her denials on any lingering feelings with CT dont cut it.....she went to BOTE with an agenda, she needed to be on that show....she may not have known it was Execs but she certainly knew CT would be there...she was too smart to not know....she made a calculated decision and did not worry about the impact to her relationship with her long time boyfriend. If I was her boyfriend and watched the interaction between them I would be concerned...it was obvious she was enjoying herself.
She held CT's behavior for Duel 2 against him....but from my point of view she was culpable....if you break up then appear 2 years later and expect to have CT act the same as when you dated him your simplistic at best. She miscaluated her ability to control him and he lashed out. In addition she broke up with him and then a short time later started a new relationship.....so the "career first" excuse does not bring alot of credibility when discussing the ending of their initial relationship.
CT deeply loved her, but she would appear and then disappear......he had to live his life and he acted accordingly....he is a young man that has no issues with the female sex, he works in the entertainment industry and has a platform to do many things......he acted poorly at times but he also had seen her move in and out of his life.....he protected himself by not investing too deeply.
More to follow....
Part 2 - The last of Hammer....a fleeting blog
Once BOTE was complete they went their seperate ways again and had limited communication....Diem ended her long term relationship and began her second battle with cancer....I am unsure if CT was communicating with her during this period or if she even wanted him to....Johnny did state that he supported Diem during this period so CT must have been at least aware.
Rivals came on the scene....CT himself arrived with no girlfriend in tow, Diem was unattached and vulnerable partly due to her health conditions. She displays toughness in the challenges that is to be commended....the aftermath of Rivals results in reconciliation....her interviews on after shows, vevmo, her blogs all show an openess to be with CT.....very private but its admitted.
Her previous boyfriend posted photos of them in Cabo following Rivals....this is around June / July 2013.....in September she is spending alot of time on the MTV junket and it seems seeing CT, who posts on Facebook that Diem is his "main squeeze". The relationship transition had begun.......what they did during this period until her passing is their own affair but I assume you will get a deeper glimpse during BOTE2 and then commentary from people within MTV after the showing.
You hear the term "complicated relationship" all the time with these two............think about this.........she is battling cancer, highly independent, career minded, huge scope of friends.......CT is building his career, trying to balance out between what his relationship is with the woman he loves, who has a deadly health risk, who readily admits she does not always want him, huge scope of friends who enjoy the perpetual spring break gig.....there are a number of photos of them together over the past year but to what extent the relationship was I have no clue......CT's family and friends certainly considered them in a relationship judging by their posts following her passing........think about this also, CT had a long term love who battled cancer for the entire period he knew her, he did not shy away from that.
Key points that bother me.......
the famous instagram photo of CT and Diem from September in the hospital......that one photo garnered more attention for MedGift than anyone could imagine.....the best marketing minds in the country could not have done better. The backlash on CT for posting it is strange and I suspect People / US / E! were upset that THEY did not post it and it was not controlled by magazines to push. To state CT was using for his own purposes is laughable when you look at all the information flowing through Media at that period of her fight by Diem, her friends and family....he was earnest in my opinion and trying to help in his own fashion via an Instagram account.
The fact that Diem asked CT to go back to Boston due to being "hyper"....what exactly do you do while someone is in the hospital? You are not there all the time....I never was.....I visited....I am sure they were in contact, she knew he was there for her...the photo of the family and friends being together and toasting her...did anyone ever mention how often her former boyfriend visited? Did anyone notice that other than the one MedGift photo there were no pictures of CT at the hospital? He was there on at least 3-4 occasions as reported but no personal photos were leaked.
They both stated they were unattached in October....they both were....no idea what was going through their minds....its battle for her life that takes precedence.
Marriage proposal....my hope is that CT and his agent had nothing to do with leaking that event....this was a People Magazine field day......I would be pissed if I was CT and read about it in the papers a few days later knowing this was a private matter. He gets backlash for Go Pro camera but yet someone leaks the event to the tabloids? If the leak did not come from CT then the self promotion is pointed to where? Who profits from this?
I am not going to defend CTs behavior....he has earned his reputation....and not always for the good.....but fair is fair....the last few months of media coverage has not always been balanced. I just get the feeling with Diem's influence he controlled himself to the better the past 15 months.....Free Agents behavior, Mr Chunky Express comments, Public Events, Career Growth show her guidance from my perpective......if I am proved wrong by people who really know, then I would consider this a great failure on his part. I also have to consider how deep she truly wanted the relationship to be.....remember, she was the one who came in and out of his life on her terms....that can be very confusing......hence the complicated relationship comments as she certainly dictated the terms until he tired of the antics.....in BOTE he stated she did not want him, in Rivals he stated she no longer had that contol over him.
Its laughable about this not being a real relationship and for show purposes only as some internet comments alude to.....MTV is just not bright enough to create such a soap opera, this fell into their lap and they seized upon it......the tabloids, the internet websites, blogs.....if I was Diem and CT I would do all in my power to keep my relationship private no matter the position.
So at the end of the journey I have to say its been fascinating....I admire Diem, I understand CT and I mourn the loss for both.
Take Care
Hammer62 -- I had all the same thoughts exactly. It was weird reading your posts because you read MY exact thoughts.
So, I was hesititating to write some of this - just because I felt a little uneasy as if I was betraying someone for the sake of gossip. Esp for a lot of info that you have already heard from various sources. But Hammer's post was interesting so I thought I'd just share what I heard bc i think its almost reaffirmation for some and will make some of you feel better. But I actually know some of the same people that Diem did. At the time of her death -I wasn't in NY. So beyond expressing my sympathy to people, I didn't want to ask questions of them from far away while they were mourning. But I was just home for the holiday and in conversation I heard a bit more details about her passing and life.
Overall, what I gathered (without trying to be gossipy) was that it really was a huge shock for them all that she was actually going to pass. They all just believed that she could live and could beat it again, so it really hit all her friends so hard. To a point where my friend said that "maybe we were all, including Diem, just in such denial". It was all - also very well known amoungst her friends that she would end up with CT. They all know him. And they all like him. She said "no one really ever took anyone else she dated seriously for her". And in fact, she started the conversation with telling me that they weren't official but were planning on getting married next summer. When I asked about the magazine they said the EXACT thing MrChunkyExpress did - which was "they have to sell magazines". Otherwise, the only other about CT was that he held it together much better at the funeral/memorial than anyone expected. And you could tell that they all really like him. Which was nice to hear after the doubt that has been cast. Again, most things they said we'd already heard. But they were just still so sad . The only thing different i heard was that they did say she knew she'd had the cancer from the beginning of the summer. To the point, in hindsight they were pissed she went on the challenge. But i think they are just mad she's gone (which makes sense).
Anyway - thought I'd reaffirm what we have already heard. She was loved.
Thank you for sharing. It does help in some strange way to know that not everyone was against CT. It broke my heart to think that all of her friends/family were against him. Again, thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing. It is good to know that many more in Diem's circle were supportive of CT than we thought. The question this brings me to is if Diem knew she had the cancer from the beginning of the summer, then why wasn't treatment started right then? I know Diem wasn't an irresponsible person and I hate blaming doctors because I'm sure her doctors were doing everything possible for her. From what I gather from your post is that Diem knew that the ovarian cancer had returned in early summer but she had no clue about the spread to the colon until she ended up in the hospital in mid-August. I do not believe that Diem would have ever gone on the challenge if she knew about the spread to the colon. But heck though, even if she did know about the spread to the colon even then....I was not privy to the information in Diem's medical records and I cannot stand in Diem's shoes, so even then I would not have less respect for Diem.
I can only guess that Diem thought back to her very first challenge when she had also been told she had ovarian cancer but that it was okay to go ahead and go on the challenge and she can get treatment afterwards. The thing is though, even though circumstances might have seemed the same to Diem for this third go round as the first go around, it really wasn't the same....even not knowing about the colon cancer, I don't believe the 2 circumstances should have ever been viewed as similar. I say this because after the first diagnosis she was told the cancer was in remission and after the second diagnosis she was told it was not gone but stable, not to mention after the first diagnosis she was never told that there was a chance it could have spread to the liver, whereas after the second diagnosis she was told it might have spread or there was a spot on the liver. So knowing these new facts, it should have made the 3rd diagnosis seem different than the 1st diagnosis and ruled out going on the challenge 100%. So these things just lead me to have questions, did Diem honestly find a way to convince herself it wasn't different or did she go to doctors before she left for the challenge to get their advice and doctors did tell her point blank, it's okay to go, when in actuality these doctors should have never told her that. What happened? I would never bother anyone close to Diem about these things though....we will either find out these things in time if her family wants to share or we never will. I think it just helps to get thoughts out about this and that's it.
Truthfully though, even if we did know what happened (the details of what she was told at the beginning of last summer), it won't bring her back and really even if it did end up being that it was Diem that could have made better choices and her doctors had told her it wasn't the best thing to go....even then, there is a big part of me that could never be upset at Diem. She just wanted to live her life to the fullest and let's face it, this was the 3rd time she had cancer and most likely, as much as I hate to say it, even if she hadn't gone to the challenge and she started treatment right away, she still would have succumbed to this disease in time.....although I understand why Diem always wanted to remain positive......the reality is it was her 3rd time getting it and she was only in her early 30s, so it was going to be an uphill battle no matter what. In one sense I can see why Diem's family and friends might have been in some denial since Diem herself always remained so positive and probably never wanted to talk about death, so perhaps Diem's positivity and never give up attitude rubbed off on them....but in another sense I don't see how they could have still been in such denial, particularly in that final month, when the doctors had told her you only have 30 days left and they saw her weight loss. BUT, I will say this, it's a totally different thing when your a member of someone's family as opposed to just a fan online....there is a different perspective and perhaps a higher wall of denial or not wanting to accept just because of loving that person so much and not wanting to lose them.
It could be if she had gotten more aggressive treatment earlier she could have had a few months beyond November, it could have prolonged her life but by how much? I think in circumstances like this, people do look for answers and in looking for answers the temptation is to place blame....would have, should have, could have....but I like to focus on this....she lived 9 years beyond initial diagnosis....she lived 9 years having been diagnosed with cancer 3 times at a young age....that is a long time when you think about it. Is it long enough when you think of many people living into their 80s....no, it's not...but I'm saying for someone diagnosed with cancer 3 different times at a young age to make it that long...it is an accomplishment. There are people who are diagnosed with cancer once at a young age and they live one year after diagnosis or even only a few months after first diagnosis, and what a shock that is and what a shock for their families. I'm sure those people fought like hell just like Diem did too but they had no control in the end....that is why I hope as time goes on that further advances are made in cancer research and we will see many more long term survivors of this disease.
It did feel shocking, Diem's 3rd diagnosis because she passed quickly after her 3rd diagnosis.....we thought 3 months but obviously since Diem knew in early summer, it was a six month journey for her but during the first 3 months of those 6 months of knowing she was able to live her life relatively normally. The fact is, this girl was such a hero. She was a true blue, honest to God hero and inspiration for so many people and she affected so many lives and God put her on this earth for a reason and she fulfilled God's purpose in the time that she was here and God said it was her time to come home.
I would never judge some in Diem's life who still feel angry though or who might even feel some frustration towards Diem because I know in time they will come to see that Diem did the very best she could with the circumstances she was dealt and in time those who are angry will be able to move on from that anger. I actually think the closer you were to Diem or the better you knew her, then the angrier you might be....not even at Diem but maybe even angry at God for a time....but this to me is a normal part of the grieving process. I think anger really is just a form of hurt or pain anyway, of just missing someone and wanting someone back. So I think to feel angry or mad is normal right now. She has only been gone a little over a month and I have found myself being angry as well. The more time goes by though....6 months pass, a year, two years....the anger and heartbreak will give way to loving Diem that much more....feeling more the love than the hurt and feeling her love from heaven and we will all be returning that love. I think all of these emotions during a time like this can seem like they run together....one minute we feel such love towards Diem, the next frustration, the next happiness we knew Diem, the next minute anger....it's all a normal part of the grieving process I think. Deep down though, the overriding emotion for her family, Chris, her close friends and her fans is just overwhelming love for our angel Diem who we were blessed to have known.
I kind of thought the whole ring thing and double proposal was to make her laugh. the whole articles claiming she said no on her deathbed to him obviously was to get a headline etc at leaslt in my opinion.I had also heard they were "engaged" or at least waiting for her to be healthy than getting married, so the next summer makes perfect sense when chemo woudl be done and she would be all better (based on her last 2 times at least i mean who coudl have predicted this). But the ring thing was probably to make her laugh like ugg i hate that color, or ugg i hate that size ring, to make her not think about her illness. Everything i have seen and heard before her illness, diem's close firends all liked ct and supported them, i had seen evidence of that in their 1.5 yrs back, and they were planning a future. i don't take much from the people articles etc. I find it interesting what was added above about her friends didn't take other boyfriends seriously like they all knew no matter how bad she tried to doubt it, they knew she loved ct and would want to give it a go. Maybe diem was compeltley serious after 5 yrs of making it serious again regardless and figured she could after having a career etc. But i am happy to read that post above which confirms a lot of what i have heard and thought as well.:)...now it's almost time to watch her on air one last time, which is going to be very weird/sad
http://www.people.com/article/diem-brown-dream-of-children-not-selfish
I think back to this article, posted roughly 2 weeks before she passed. I think what caused me to be in denial for a time (after her death) is that this was not an article that you would read and then think right after reading it, she's going to be gone in 2 weeks, which is why I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that she was actually gone because I kept thinking back to what this article said and saying to myself...how could it be?
I knew enough to know that she might not be here another 3 months after reading this article but I never would have thought 2 weeks because I couldn't picture Diem being in such a positive place mentally 2 weeks before she passed to be able to talk to People magazine in this way....to act as if she had a real chance of possibly even adopting a child. But the thing was, she wasn't acting....she never said of course this is going to happen...it was just a hope...it was just a hope and she wanted to express it and give other people hope. I truly do wholeheartedly understand that now. I do think we can all easily read an article and take one message away from it when perhaps another message is being given...if that makes any sense and I think that is what I did.
Don't get me wrong, I knew Diem was a positive person....much more positive than I could possibly be in this situation....but still there is a fine line between positivity and denial if your looking in the mirror at yourself and seeing a very thin appearance and then at the time of this article (talking about adopting children possibly), the doctors had already told her she had only 30 days to live. I do think it was largely me who misconstrued though and another reason it was easy for me to misunderstand is I had no idea that she was told 30 days at the time that article was posted.
She wasn't talking as if she was in such denial that she was going to of course live her life out for the next 50 years but at the same time she wasn't in such a negative place that you would have thought only 2 weeks left ya know. I read this article and I thought she must know something we don't know, otherwise how could she be talking like that? I thought maybe doctors had told her you will get treatment and this will be another 2 to 3 months journey for you (at the end of which you will either respond well to treatment and get more time or you won't). I don't think Diem was purposely being deceptive....she wasn't being deceptive at all....but again I misconstrued. I guess I possibly misconstrued because I thought had it been me talking to People magazine I would have talked about my desire to have children, to adopt or have someone else carry the baby, but at the same time I would have just gone ahead and said, ya know the doctors have given me 30 days and I'm going to fight like hell but I don't know what's going to happen ya know. So I would have perhaps given a mixed bag of both a realistic message and a positive message at the same time....but that wasn't Diem's way....she just wanted to deliver that positive message and GOD BLESS HER FOR IT. God bless that woman. She is my hero and I admire her so much for it.
I think the message that I should have taken from the article (that I didn't at the time) is that things are dire for Diem, it's very possible she might not be with us for much longer but she is trying to send the message that she is still living right then, in the present moment, and she didn't want to act like she was dead already when she was still alive.....regardless of how the prospects looked....if she was going to live another 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. And Diem didn't necessarily have to spell it out in the article what doctors had told her for me to understand what the real situation was....but I don't know, I think like a lot of people I probably just believed what I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe she was going to make it to make myself feel better so that's what I talked myself into believing at the time.
Valerie Harper has always tried to deliver this same message to people....don't act like your dead when your still living....make the most of all the time you have because life is a gift. So I think this article was more about delivering the message to don't give up hope no matter what than it was a statement on where Diem was at with her health at the time. Even if doctors don't give you many reasons to hope....that it doesn't matter, still don't give up hope....because that is the one thing you still do have control over. Cancer may be in charge of other things but cancer can never take that hope away ever unless you let it.
I like this post.
Here is an awesome video of Diem talking about dealing with her second cancer diagnosis and how she approached it differently than the first. She's so positive and happy in this interview talking about MedGift and her personal journey and wanting to help others. Watching this makes me realize that of course Diem was very responsible about her illness and always conscious of things but you can be responsible, do everything you feel is right but still be imperfect in the decision making process on some things because we are all only human and can only make decisions based off the information we have at any given moment in time. What a brave brave woman she was!! I will forever be in awe of her!
http://youtu.be/ClaaX-3RJn8
I can agree. I dont know why I just assumned Diem would make it through again. It is not fair to DIem to say things like, "She was so strong, I thought she would make it" or , "She succumed"....I just think I wanted it all so badly for her. I wanted her to live, I wanted her to get married, I wanted her to have kids, and I wanted her to be happy. She was so positive and had been through so much in life that she deserved it. So I never even let dying be an option for her. I put it so far into the back of my mind and I just imagined her life after she beat cancer again. But then the updates kept coimg...
And every update detailed her condition getting worse and worse. I kept praying for good news but it never happened. I remember looking at the pictures and how frail she was. She had a colostomy bag and a neprhosotmy tube/bag. She couldnt walk unattended and she had a hysterectomy and a blood tranfusion on top of all of that. She went through hell. Absolute hell and that is why it is not fair to say she succumned or she lost her battle. She never stopped fighting. With everything that she had been though she kept a smile on her face and she held fast to hope. She fought until the very end. She didnt give up, she never sucummed or lost, she just moved on.
In the days before her passing, I prayed for Diem and I asked that God's will be done because I knew that was the only answer. When Diem passed, I can not say that is was a surprise but it was a shock and it hurt because I willed everything aganist her passing.Life is so unfair...
Now those who remain must learn to carry on without her. And I can only imagine how hard it must be for those who were very close to her...including CT. I know God brought them back together because it was his plan. In whatever capacity, they loved each other very much. How refreshing it was to see a young, attractive man that could love a woman in spite of her illness and the hardhsips that came with it. There arent many people who could do that. And she, she saw past his anger and aggression, got to the core of this man's soul and opened him to accepting love. They had planned a future together and she was taken from him in the midst of their happily ever after. I know his heart is broken and I pray that he finds peace with this. I know he will be different the next time we see him. He will be forever changed becuse of this. I dont know how long it will take him to grieve but I hope he takes as long as he can. And when his memories of her are not enough, I hope he prays.
Im better now, but her passing still hurts.
R.I.P Diem
I really appreciated your heartfelt post; I could not have summed up my feelings as well as you have and I thank you for it. Thank you for writing so eloquently about Diem and extending your remarks to CT as well.
Very well stated post. I agree....she didn't lose, she just moved on. It was crazy all of the surgeries she had to have done in the last 3 months and the pain she went through. I'm sure it was gutwrenching for Chris and her family to see her like that. You just think no one should ever have to go through all of that but people all across this world who have cancer right now are going through this as we speak. Cancer sucks!! One day there will be a cure hopefully. I do remember reading the comments online under the People articles, folks saying Diem was in denial or Diem wasn't going to make it or why was she acting like she was and those comments still make me mad just because I felt it was so inappropriate. It wasn't about whether those people were right or wrong in their assessment of Diem's health situation....it was more that I felt it wasn't their place to take her hope away from her while she was here. Hope and her goals for the future were part of what was warding off depression for her in her final days and I felt Diem deserved to have reasons not to be sad every minute of every day leading up to when she passed.
Your right, Chris is forever changed. He is not the same man as he was before. I think as much as this tore him up, ultimately it is going to make him stronger in the long run. Right now it's real tough for him but I think this will spark a great deal of growth for him and self reflection. I also think Chris was given a great gift and that is the gift of love. Diem was taken from him too soon but the love he has for her in his heart remains with him and he will carry that with him now and it will inform all of his decisions and interactions with people. I don't see him being as tortured as he has been in the past or angry. I see him as being sad sometimes, missing Diem a great deal, struggling with grief but I do picture him being able to move beyond the deep grief in time to live a happy life and I know that is what his sweet Diem would want.
There is an MTV special on tonight at 11 p.m. about BOE2. Camilla and TJ are hosting it. Excited / sad to see Diem.
She looks beautiful and so happy in the promos and exclusives. Cant wait to watch and bid my final farewell to Diem...
Can't keep my mind of Diem. Crazy how every time I look at social media I'm still disappointed not seeing her bubbly presence shining anymore. Still feel sadness for what could have been but mostly for the ones close to her hurting by her passing. Ringing this new year must have been really hard for them. At the same moment last year, I remember thinking about her and how ecstatic she must have felt giving that her docs told her at some point she wouldn't see the next year. What an exalting and special moment it must have been for her and her surrounding. Wish she could have celebrate the 50 following ones and no one felt the sorrow of her lost. Sending positive thoughts and comfort vibes to her love ones.
happy new year to all!
The Challenge: Battle of the Exes II | He Said/She Said w/ CT & Diem
http://youtu.be/n5PC5-daRRA
Davis just posted a song. Not sure if its new or not but its called Beautiful Girls.
Their lives intersected across 7 years leading up to the point where they matured enough to forgive and truly appreciate one another.......there is a price you pay for loving deeply.
Beautifully said.
https://normaleahfoundation.wordpress.com/tag/diem-brown/ -nice read
The Good Morning America Twitter account retweeted a quote said by Stuart Scott (who just died from cancer - I don't follow sports so I'm not really sure who he is; I have to Google to find out more info). Anyway, I thought the quote was nice and kinda added to when you guys were talking about articles that said Diem "lost her battle" to cancer vs. what Cara Maria said about how she didn't "lose." The quote was "When you die it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live."
You beat me to this...I was just about to add it. Thought it was perfect.
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