Charm School 2: Reunion Show

The Charm School 2 Reunion Show Host: Riki Rachtman (see [URL="http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2008/12/05/2008-12-05_reality_bites_judge_riki_is_out_of_order.html"]Reality Bites: Judge Riki is out of order[/URL] for some criticism of him earlier in the season ) Riki's opening lines: "Oh, this is going to be fun. Six months ago, Sharon Osbourne admitted 14 girls to a very special academy. Her goal was simple, to teach a few of Brett Michaels hardest rocker chicks how to have some class." Fourteen women seated on stage are introduced: Megan, Dallas, Angelique, Brandi C., Inna, Heather, Rodeo, Jessica, Destiny, Courtney, Lacey and Brandi M. Missing are Raven Williams (season 1) and Kristy Joe Muller (season 2). Riki's fellow "dean," Danielle Clark is also there, if anyone cares... When Riki introduces Sharon Osbourne as a role model for "modern women everywhere," we instantly know this show can't go any further down hill. Sharon waddles slowly on stage looking like a candidate for hip replacement surgery, but undeterred, Riki declares that she looks "awesome." Sharon opines that she was surprised that the majority of women on the share were there to "learn something." Cut to reaction shots from the cast... production techniques class 101... First to take the traditional hot seat is "French Stripper Barbi - Angelique." Riki declares he likes that she knows who she is and knows what she is "all about" and is happy with it. Of course, we get bastardized English/French on-screen text like "You know what Ahm Zaying?" I guess production thinks it's funny, but it just keeps us from seeing her chest... We do learn that Angelique has just finished (Nov 08) shooting a horror film in New York that will be out on DVD and Blue Ray Disc - no mention of the name, though. Riki asks Sharon what she suggests would be a good next career step for Angelique. Sharon quite seriously says she should go "full blown ****." Angelique politely rejects the suggestion saying that VH1 rescued her from **** and she is never going back. Thanks Sharon, you are Zero for one in the good idea department. Can't see much "charm" in that suggestion. Next up, Courtney. Since she was only on the show for one episode, we get her best moments replayed on tape... drinking, drinking and more drinking before passing out. Sharon says she felt really bad for Courtney - who really looks good dressed in conservative red and black - because it is "not often that people ***k up so big time on TV. " Courtney said didn't take Sharon up on her offer of rehab. She doesn't think she is an alcoholic and has recently been trying to get help with her issues through therapy. For the second time, Riki thanks a cast member for being "completely honest." (foreshadowing, perhaps?) Our third girl is Kristy Joe who comes out from back stage wearing the "fat girl" disguise that Riki says impacted her more than the other lessons of Charm School. Riki then gratuitously asked Kristy Joe to confirm that she is actually wearing a fat suit because "obviously people change." (OK, in fairness, the tape editor was either stoned or hates Riki and much as I do). We get a 35 second clip of what Riki calls one of the "longest speed date in history" between Kristy Joe and Charlie O'Connell. Apparently ABC's The Bachelor doesn't count, or maybe for "Bachelor" fans, any date with O'Connell was classified as torture and not speed dating. Riki asks Sharon that having seen how much the "fat girl" experience affected Kristy Joe, did she feel that she made the wrong choice. She said "no," because Kristy Joe realized from having nothing to say to a "great guy" that she needed to work on her personality. Riki patronizingly ends Kristy Joe's time in the hot seat with "we wish you the very best." Before the break, Rick tells us that when we come back "we'll be with a woman who got under everybody's skin and at the same time she showed a lot of hers." (Cut to a close up of Megan for those who don't know who he is talking about, and then to a preview of the "fight with a few more seconds of footage than appeared in the commercial.) There obviously was more that a 2 minutes commercial break because we return to Riki asking the audience to welcome back Kristy Joe, now looking rather "un-fat" and radiant in the applause. Riki begins by telling us that "a lot of people went through dramatic changes during their time in 'Sharon's house.' ... they changed, they learned, and they turned out better for the experience. But before we talk about them, let's take a look at a video about Megan." The clip begins "Ideally, I think for me the best fit would be to be a top of the line trophy wife." Wow, who knew those words for be "reality prophetic!" (Pease read that sentence with the intended sarcasm.) We she Sharon telling Megan at an elimination that she "has not changed since Rock of Love," keeping hidden the fact that the role Megan played was "scripted" daily during a meeting with producers. Riki invites Megan to the stage with him and Sharon, but we see Megan hesitate because Brandi C is sitting next to her crying. Riki begins by asking Megan if she is drunk "because you acting a little bit different that you usually act." Megan responds, "Why would I be drunk, it's the middle of the afternoon?" Ricki: Sharon, what is your take on the "Megan situation." Sharon: "Even though Megan has blonde hair, she's not dumb. Megan: "Or a natural blonde. I wish I was!" Sharon (obviously reading from the teleprompter): "Your trip going through Charm School, you're very bright. You were there because you wanted to be seen on TV. (Looking back to the teleprompter). You were there to promote yourself, which is fantastic, but you didn't think you needed to learn anything because you think you're Perfect." Megan laughing: That's it, I'm good." Riki: "One person who obviously had strong feelings about you was our girl Rodeo." Megan applauds and cheers for Rodeo who comes forward to sit beside Megan on the sofa facing Sharon. Riki asks Rodeo for her take on the "whole Megan situation." Rodeo says Megan has never taken her shows seriously (presumable on VH1) while Rodeo has, and there is the apparent difference. (We know that at the time Rodeo thought ROL was real, so her judgment is nothing I'm investing a penny in). She uses here minute to promote her new waterproof jeans line with McConnell Hall Outfitters. But in an unfortunate turn of events, the company domain name, mcconnellhalloutfitters.com expired on Jan 2, 2009. I guess Rodeo will have to hang on to her $100 a little longer. :sad: Sharon tells Rodeo to "go for it. ..You keep on knocking on that door until something works for you." ... Rodeo: "And I admire you, Sharon. Actually, I admire her, because she taught me to not... Sharon: "She (with a lady-like finger pointer toward Megan) has the biggest balls of anyone I've ever met in my life." The three talk over each other for 20 seconds. Megan: "Lilly is so upset that she is not here right now. Lilly has had surgery recently and ... she's had her female parts removed so that she can not procreate..." Rodeo: "Is that the dog you dropped on the head and is mentally ********? ..." Sharon: (to Megan) I think you should join her and have that operation, too. Megan: Really? Cut to Heather applauding wildly. Sharon stands and takes a bow. Sharon: "I do not think that you should be allowed to breed, my dear." (Sharon pronounces "breed" with an upper class British accent as though she were declaring a royal edict.) "I think that one of you is enough for any country. (These are the only words understandable on the tape) Megan: ..."Your husband, because the only thing you've managed to do as a "celebrity" (air quotes from Megan) is to wash your husband's *tone, tone* Sharon: "Ah. I feel so sorry for you." Sharon stands and delivers few obviously fake coughs while reaching behind her chair. "Excuse... before I answer." Sharon picks up a large filled plastic cup and from less that three feet away hurls its contents on to Megan whose only response is to put up her hands in front of her face. Cut to tape of the audience applauding - who knows when this was shot. Cut back to the stage where three people wearing jackets with "security" stenciled on the back surround where Megan was last seen seated. Neither Sharon nor Megan can immediately be seen, while the largest security person has his arms around Rodeo (you can see her boots and jeans.) There is one crew person in a hooded sweatshirt behind where Megan was last seated and another security person enters the picture from the far right. Cut yet again... (By the way, given the different positions in which one sees people standing, it is clear things have been cut out. Cut to two security guards appearing to carry Megan upright off the main stage after Rodeo is pulled away by a very burly security person. Sharon: "They can ***k with me, I don't give a shit," but not my family." (Sharon, your mouth needs Charm School.) Some of the cast members are shown coming up to hug Sharon which is followed by a cut to Megan being escorted backstage by four security personnel. One of them is carrying Megan's right shoe. One camera man walks in front across the screen, so we know two hand-held cameras are with Megan. Back now to live action Riki: "I'm going to be honest. I'm not sure what just happened, but everything is OK because Rodeo's got her waterproof jeans on. And I think the we've ... right now, just don't ***k with Sharon Osbourne. We're going to try to figure this whole circus out. We'll be back..." They show the same clip from before the break. And then Riki has to have his moment. Riki: "I have to say personally, and this is something I personally have to say... blah, blah, blah." He complains about interviews Megan did where she made fun of him (don't know why she bothered.) FYI a pan to the cast applauding, shows that Brandi C has left the stage. But now back to why we are all here... Riki" "Some of the ladies were dismissed because they refused to change. Take a look at Lacey's journey. Lacey comes to the stage: Riki suggests that she was playing a game rather than listening to whatever Sharon was teaching. Lacey agrees but adds that some of the things that were said did sink in. She has a hard head. Sharon says that she sees a lot of what she used to be in Lacey. Riki changes the subject back to evil Lacey and says she seems to take enjoyment out of stirring up the other girls. Lacey immediately responds, "Absolutely!" Riki bring Dallas to the stage so she can bore us yet again while we try to remember her appearance on ROL. Sorry, I can't, but that's OK because Riki knows she's boring to, so he replaces Dallas with Heather. I'm stunned because Heather is not getting her own private segment. So much for being A-list, I think. We see a clip of Heather's last night in the house. Lacy: "Heather, you think you are an A-list celebrity." Heather, "I am, ****h." Heather comes to the stage. Riki now talks about an incident that happened just before the reunion show and plays footage of her backstage where there was some disagreement or misunderstanding with her agent. They obviously only show the clip because Heather says four fatal words to Co-Executive Producer Walt Omiecinski, "But I'm not everybody." Hell, throw out the rest of the plan for Heather, we have fresh meat... Somehow, Lacy was ready for this turn of events and has a T-shirt for Heather that reads "A List Celebrity." It looks like it was painted while some gaffer was still wearing it back stage! Then we're subjection to more blah, blah, blah... Heather walks off the stage. Yawn to both of them. And yet another commercial... Following another clip that reveal noting we haven't seen before, Destiny comes to the stage and reveals that she did not take Danielle up on internship offer, but instead has teamed with a designer to do her own clothing line, "Divination." Ricki and Sharon agree that it was the hardest decision, harder than what we don't know, maybe deciding what to have for breakfast? I guess we'll never know. Destiny gives out shirts to Sharon, Riki and Danielle, and says she has them for the audience, too. And finally Brandi M. comes to the stage following another clip, with only two minutes left in the show. Sharon says that after Brandi wore the "ugly suit" for the speed dating challenge, she saw her potential. Brandi reveals that she and Sharon have been in contact since the show taping and that Sharon got her into that Playboy mansion (Hell, she could have called me or a hundred promoters in LA). Brandi says that after she receives her check, she is going to donate some money to Destiny's father's liver foundation and Brandi and Destiny are going to Hawaii. Riki also get her to admit to a future **** job which she says she needs because she has lost so much weight. A final cutaway only shows six women remaining on stage in addition to Brandi M. Maybe they got bored, too. So there you have it. They didn't show the reported fight or anything that suggests a Los Angeles Police Department investigation would follow. The obvious compromise between the producers and all the parties' lawyers leaves us no closer to knowing what happened during the video we didn't see. Maybe we'll have to be in a courtroom to see the "missing" video. Until then, thanks TMZ for what few facts we know! [B]Update: [/B]The people over at [URL="http://www.mcconnellhalloutfitters.com/manufacturers/index.php"]McConnell Hall[/URL] just emailed me to say they are still in business but had to make a server change due to traffic. All is well.