[B][CENTER]Team Postcard (Ashli, Parisa, and Isaac)
vs.
Team Spoon (Kelly Anne, Dunbar, and Cohutta)[/CENTER]
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The odds are stacked against Team Spoon (as both guys have spooned with kelly anne). I was going to call them 'Team Hick' or 'Team Country Boy Sandwich', 'Team Biscuits and Kelly'...I had a ton of them.
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Anywho...
I'm finally getting excited about watching each episode since Mtv's focus has shifted, the roommates are actually adhering to the format of the show's claims, and I can only attribute that to Trisha leaving. Her pushing Parisa was the best thing that could've happened to the show.
Alright, let's do that damn thing. Team Postcard has been going for the gusto since Sarah gave them their assignment; "Eyes on the prize, picking up speed" like Mickey Avalon (and why the white guy gotta get the shortest rhyme scheme in that commercial? huh?). Team Spoon has been arguing, throwing hissy fits, falling off of cliffs, sleeping until one thirty in the afternoon, and of course, spooning.
Isaac and company are in the studio recording and practicing a song, a ***** song, to perform for their clients. That alone is impressive and shows drive. Dunbar claimed he wanted the trip more, but did nothing to prove that statement. Sounds familiar, the same way he throws around the words "I love Julie" and sleeps with a girl he barely knows.
Cohutta AKA The Hop-a-long Crutch Kid, called into work because he's a *******. He went to see a doctor even with his slight case of iatrophobia.
Both teams arrive at Contiki, minus Cohutta gimping to see Nurse Ratchet & Dr. Killpatient. Sarah explains the codes of conduct they expect from their employees. Someone, I'm not going to say who, was zoning out, looking through a nearby window, and daydreaming of flying kite or running through a field of purple ******. Not Dunbar, although you might get that impression from his previous homo-erotic skeletons. If you've seen the episode, which I assume you have, you'd have to presuppose someone was staring off into space, or wondering if they should buy a snow cone after work.
Jump-cut to Parisa nodding her head and making eye contact with Sarah as though she was listening and understood, as did Isaac, and Ashli. Parisa looked hella fine this episode, I'm all about Parisa going to Europe, specifically Tahiti Beach in France.
Next, we get to see a great team to team comparison with a series of jump cuts with a boxing bell in between each round, if you will.
DING! Let's get it on!!!
Round 1:
Isaac's team is on the bus singing their itinerary theme song. The clients are laughing, joining in, and having fun on their way to Sydney Tower. Parisa and Ashli are involved, singing and working the camera.
Dunbar's team, one man shy, has no music, just Dummybear's monotone drawl trying to excite a crowd with someone chewing on her hair, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ol' Dummy ******* said he wanted enthusiasm, OR ELSE! kelly anne isn't taping anything, but I don't think she could operate a Fisher Price my first camera.
Round 2:
Team Postcard has their clients atop the second tallest structure in Australia observing the cityscape from a lookout via harness and helmet. It's majestic and exciting and it's all being documented. They all jump in lace while being 1000 feet up in the air.
Team Spoon walked to a park and Dunbar talked about the "business district". kelly anne gave us a stunning piece of history with a lot of uh's and um's, pauses, and mind numbing cluelessness. Why not just give all of your clients an individual dose of NyQuil and read some Charles Dickens aloud to get the party started. Where is the camera?
Round 3:
Well, Dunbar says it's all up to him now and it's looking mighty grim for the underachievers in Team Spoon, but like Willis Reed in the 1970 NBA playoffs Cohutta makes a dramatic return. He hustles to meet his team and give them an uplifting pep talk over a plate of french fries. Maybe they will win, right guys? right? I mean he slept all day while the other team was making a killer plan and planning.
With both teams having a full roster, Cohutta may be the advantageous edge for both Dunbar, opposed to "bookworm" Parisa's work ethic, and kelly anne, huh?,
DING!
Round 4:
Team Parisa is hella fine heads to a night spot called La Campana with beautiful and handsome dancers, festive atmosphere, cabaret, and cocktails (wink).
Team kelly anne can drink a fifth of vodka (who cares) heads to the Blackbird Cafe where she drinks an entire bowl of marinara sauce since her brain is 75% cheese, and Cohutta thinks he's being attacked by a giant lizard and heads home. Later they visit The Observer, a hotel bar. KA knows she can't drink, but tells a client that she can't drink until her boss leaves. Oops, Sarah never left and kelly to the anne slugs down too many barley pops, Sarah talks to KA and DB, and ultimately sends them both home.
So, she completely sabotaged her team, but what can you expect with Dunbar at the helm?
*SIDEBAR* some client guy was looking down kelly to the anne's shirt when she was trying to secretly get hammered.
*SIDEBAR DOS* "How She Move" looks ******** as all get out. Dancing around on an Impala with Daytons in their hands...pfft. Stop it Hollywood, just stop it already. Isn't that like the 15th movie this year with a coming of age story based on inner city youth using talents in something meaningless, but with street cred and a dope soundtrack, to catapult them into a scholarship/better life/help momma's surgery, etc?
Alright, back to the grind. The sets of teamers are home, Isaac pries, Ashi pries, and eventually they get the secret microfilm from Dunbar and KA. Noirin joins her man and Ashli at the Observer to bribe the opposing clients to vote , "zero, zero, zero"!!! by way of shots and other beverages. I love Isaac, he's MVP again.
Later, in the bathroom DB and Hobbles Magoo (Cohutta) are practically showering together. Good thing Cohutta has his on a rope. Well, anyway our favorite hick finds out that KA and DB were sent home due to her breaking of the cardinal rule and he was a bit upset. I mean there was really only one rule and she broke it. Tension?
After shots and shout outs, Team Postcard is practicing their song and all about the assignment.
Next day, part two of the tour begins.
DING!
Round 5:
Parisa's team (meow) goes sailing to Darling Harbor, all while singing that catchy **** jingle. The clients seemed to have a relaxing, but enjoyable boat ride.
Cohutta's team heads to Aesop's, a Greek eatery, to break plates with clients, dance, eat, and bicker. KA, DB, and Cohutta share their dysfunctional differences in a separate room leaving their guests without a host of any kind. However, there is a Greek custom of story telling adopted by the restaraunt. Each person at the table gets to write on a sheet of paper and contribute. This sounds fun already. Here's what some of the clients wrote"
"Cohutta likes to lick his toes"
"Kelly Anne's brain cell is lonely"
"Dunbar has a small *****"
Amidst all of this DB argues with a client, rude, but funny, KA is upset over his language after coaxing a client to write said ***** comment on the paper (Ashli Pt. 2), and KA gets pissed at Cohutta for just trying to stop the argument and not choose sides or defend anyone no matter how moronic she is.
Next day, Cohutta and KA have an argument in the bathroom (the shape of drama to come like Play-Doh), but he apologizes because he has a kind heart and wants to keep his boody on tap.
Later both teams return to Contiki to present their respective tours. Needless to say Team Postcard starts off strong with lots of footage, photos galore, their song plays, Ashli does well, Isaac seems driven, and Parisa looks gorgeous.
Team Spoon...what to say? David Blaine put a black cloak over their barely cohesive group, and made their chances of winning disappear. Really though, they each talked:
Cohutta said he was watced Huckleberry Hound most of the time he wasn't there, came out to help eat some deliciously free food, and hobbled around with his Contiki polo on.
KA said she couldn't find the big red ON switch for the video camera, complained it didn't match her top so she couldn't carry it, thought for sure she could have a fifth of Jim Beam drank out of her navel, and exclaimed that she likes whistles because they're shiny and they make funny noises.
Dunbar turned into Mr. Hyde, started screaming at the top of his lungs, put Sarah in a head-lock, beat her to death with the bill of his baseball cap, spunked on her corpse, and proclaimed, "This is for you Grandpa"!!!
Actually, none of them did anything that exciting, but instead tried to halfass their way through the presentation, like they did through the tour, in hopes of stealing a win. However, they sucked eggs, they were utter shit, and they had no chance in hell, heaven, or purgatory of winning an extra slice of cheese on a Whopper, let alone the trip.
Team Postcard won the European vacation, duh! I'm surprised they didn't have Paul Hogan come in and say, "That's not a presentation, now that's a presentation" to the other team.
Isaac whoooo-hoooed it up in the confessional, made pro-wrestler/super hero-like motions, and changed his mind about sending any aforementioned postcards, or flags DB's way. Maybe it was going to be a gay pride flag.
KA & Dunbar made up while Cohutta ate cereal with the rest of America, milky eyed, and watched in total disgust over how sickeningly cutesy it was. I thought I was going to become an international arsonist of all the RW houses across the globe.
In synopsis, good always triumphs over bland, boring, stupid and unprepared.
