A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!"

The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question."
The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?"

He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!"

Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that expands to ten times its normal size during periods of emotion and excitement."

The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."

Hee hee, way to put the pic there for visual effect, too

Always check your kids homework.....

LOL, I have seen this one before...without the home depot caption though. FUNNY

Thanksgiving Divorce

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day
before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell
you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery
is enough. "Pop, what are you talking about?", The son screams. "We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of
each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister
in Denver, and tell her. "Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes
on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced, she shouts". "I'll
take care of this. She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her
father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I
get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man
hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay,' he says, they're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way".

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens." "You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "It's a pu$$y willow." "Wait up...I'll get my hat."

Good one!

1...Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2...If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
3...My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
4...To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.
5...Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
6...I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
7...Illiterate? Write For Help
8...If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
9...Cat: The Other White Meat
10...Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends