lmao.

That one had my laughing big time.

Interestingly,

I was doing contract work and staying in a hotel out of town. My girlfriend at the time made me promise that I would not drink or go out - just work (yes, one of those types....)

She came to visit about a month later and wanted to take me to dinner so we hopped in the car started driving and she randomly choose the first place she saw. We were not two feet in the door and there was a 23 ounce "tall boy" Sam Adams IPA skidding down the bar right at me! So I grab it and act like it was not mine but that I was saving it from spilling....er....

I was so ***king busted, lol.

Smooth move Bac....

dang that is messed up....it would have been funny if you walked in and everyone said your name like on Cheers. BTW do you still have the same girlfriend?

They did say my name, but not the whole bar, lol - just the really hot bartender.

...and No.

wwwhhew, thank god for you. I just don't get why girls are like that...I say go out and do what you want, if you choose to ***k up a good thing, then you didn't deserve me in the first place, but I a not going to beg anyone to be loyal to me. I have insecurities but they have nothing to do with men, LOL.

That is an amazingly profound statement.

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.
The professor told his class one day, 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple, Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph. and so on back-and-forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached} The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

[first paragraph by Rebecca]
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at homo, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now. at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

[second paragraph by Gary]
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Can Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Hams to Geostation 17,' he said Into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

{Rebecca}
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The
news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth.
when
the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she wondered wistfully.

{Gary}
Little did she know but she had less than it) seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of Its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrlan ships were on course for Earth.
carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them.
they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion.
which
vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

{Rebecca}
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

{Gary}
Yeah? Well. my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall [have some other sort of F**KING TEA?!?!?!
Oh no, WHAT AM I to do'? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

{Rebecca}
A**hole

{Gary}
Bitch

{Rebecca}
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

{Gary}
Go drink some tea - whore.

{TEACHER}
A+......... I really liked this one.